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Got a Minute?
There is always a time for romance -- but with speed dating that would be a limited time
BY MARLI GUZZETTA
http://www.miaminewtimes.com/feedback/index_html?author_email=feedback@miaminewtimes.com&feedback_email=nope&headline=Got%20a%20Minute%3F&issuedate=2003/07/03

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Once upon a time in America, cars, movies, and adolescents were all new ideas. Kids courted over cream sodas then necked with each other. In cars. At drive-ins. Two straws in one drink, two bodies in one back seat. Today some call that "innocence," "a simpler time," "a better time." Eventually the sweethearts who met between first and second periods did, as they were expected, marry -- settling happily or suffering silently through adulthood with two beds in one bedroom, two strangers in one marriage, and two feet cemented in the driveway of suburban America.

In the last two decades people have earned themselves freedom -- freedom not to marry young, marry straight, marry within their race, stay married, or even marry at all. As it turns out, being free doesn't guarantee you any dates. But speed-dating companies can. For between $20 and $40 per event, speed daters receive one-on-one time with 8 to 30 people in one night.

Though the big three speed-dating companies -- 8minuteDating, HurryDate, and Pre-Dating -- have their distinguishing characteristics, they all base their events on the same template. Speed-dating singles generally need Internet access to secure an account on the company's Website. (For the time being, this little requirement tends to draw people who have a minimum level of education and/or income.) After registering for an event, the singles gather together in the location of the dating event -- normally a popular restaurant, bar, or club on a weeknight -- to participate in one-on-one dates, timed at a few minutes each.

The daters each have a name tag, which normally includes first name and last initial or first name and ID number, and a "scorecard." They use their scorecards to mark "yes" or "no" for each date. Once the speed daters get home, they log on to the Website and enter the names of the people they liked. If two daters have entered each other, they receive e-mails with the other's contact information. (Companies don't guarantee matches.)

Pre-Dating founder and CEO Vince Gelormine believes his six-minute format is best, but understands that his clients will patronize other companies. "Someone who is single will do multiple things to meet people," says the 36-year-old former investment banker, who is single. "I don't look at any of that as competition. I look at it as if we're providing another tool in the single person's toolbox."

According to the heads of the big three speed-dating companies, the industry has grown more than 400 percent in the past two years, making it the first dating phenomenon unique to the 21st Century. Today 8minuteDating claims to be in more than 70 cities, HurryDate in more than 60, and Pre-Dating in more than 45. This year all three companies can boast at least one impending marriage between clients. Each offers events in South Florida, and each holds a very strong belief in the idea that a few minutes can make a big difference when you're looking for love.

- 8minuteDating -

Most of these events are held on work nights, so speed daters often arrive a bit late and in slightly wrinkled business casual. The first people they meet are the 8minuteDating coordinators -- Nicole Soltau, a friendly and unimposing Asian-American woman, and Tracie Gordon, a gregarious and robust African American.

As candidates enter the Hard Rock Café at downtown Miami's Bayside Marketplace, Soltau and Gordon give each a name tag and a scorecard. The scorecard includes suggested conversational topics ("Where are you from? What kind of work do you do? What's the best trip you've ever taken?") as well as rules and tips ("Please, do not ask anyone for their last name, phone number, e-mail address, business card, or for a date..."). A free-drink voucher and an ice-breaker, a riddle on a piece of paper, round out the 8minuteDater's standard materials.

The tables are numbered and set with two votive candles. At each seat, an 8minuteDating.com drink coaster extols that this is "The fast, fun, and guaranteed way to meet someone!" as sixteen tiny, two-dimensional faces smile, slightly smug, as if they discovered this a long time ago.

The 8minuteDating logo is a martini glass with a heart-shaped olive inside. Kebabs, quesadillas, and chicken fingers huddle together in chafing dishes. While waiting for the dating to begin, some of the women pair off and chat; the men waste little time introducing themselves to the women.

In general it seems that women at male-female speed-dating events socialize with each other far more than do the men. "That's because men are on a mission," explains West Palm Beach's John F.X. Warburton, a psychotherapist who has been working with individuals and couples since 1964. "They think it's something they can control, so they have to find out all the information they can. The guy is looking for the formula while the woman is interested in the process, which is why she talks and exchanges. It's just a different orientation."

Because speed dating is still somewhat new, many of the people who attend are nervous neophytes. Understanding this, Tracie Gordon begins the event with a pep talk: "We're here to have fun. We're all in the same boat. We want to meet people.... Does a match mean I've found true love? No."

Gordon adds that each date lasts eight minutes, at the end of which time she will ring a bell to signal that daters should move to the next table. (At 8minuteDating events, both the men and women change tables.) With the ring of a bell the first round begins, and Gordon watches her daters like a mom on a bench at the playground.

"It's a way to get out and enjoy yourself," she explains. "There's no pressure. If I'm at a bar, I have to wait for someone to talk to me. Here, we're all coming for the same reason. Even if a person doesn't make a connection, he or she can think: 'At least I've gotten to know people I wouldn't have known before.' Also it's a cheap date."

A video crew from Telemundo shows up. (Speed-dating events are crawling with journalists.) The reporter -- guapo, moreno, suave -- and his cameraman rush to set up shop at the back table, where the camera's bright light shines like a third eye as the reporter pretends to have an intimate dating moment.

Almost every man sits the same way -- elbows on the table, leaning forward. "[That position] is two things," begins Warburton, who is also a dancer and performance artist. "It's a thrusting gesture. And it's certainly more intense. It implies being more intimate. I don't know if it means that, but it implies it."

After two dates the ice has broken, or at least melted in drained cocktail glasses, and everyone seems to remember they are all just people talking to other people. By round four Gordon has to ring the bell more than once to get them to move along.

During intermission people use the restroom, step outside for a cigarette, or review their notes from the first four rounds to answer the questions posed on the score sheet ("Was your date respectful?") and to finish this statement: "I would like to contact this person again for: Dating, Friendship, or Business." One man secretly excuses himself and goes home, which means one woman is dateless every round for the rest of the event. When this happens, Gordon gives whoever is sitting out a free-drink voucher. During round eight, the final round, this woman is "Kerry R4H." I sit down to talk with her.

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miaminewtimes.com | originally published: July 3, 2003

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